Russia unveils mascot finalists for 2018 World Cup

Exciting news from Russia and its utterly incorruptible sports minister Vitaly Mutko - the mascot for Russia 2018 will be announced later this month, and the final contestants are a wolf, a cat and a tiger. Cute! The World Cup Human Rights blog has been granted an exclusive look at the figures that will inject an extra blast of frivolity into what promises to be a month of fun football promoting all the greatest civic values that go hand in hand with the business of professional sport. 

Cuddly Olly G

Olly G the Wolf: this cuddly, oil-rich wolverine is slathering at the jaw to get his teeth into even more of the government contracts for energy, security and infrastructure that already made him obscenely rich in Boris Yeltsin's post-communist, bargain-bin sell-off of state assets, and in the run-up to the $50 billion bonanza that was the Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics. Olly G's ravenous capacity for unlimited greed respect and fair play perfectly reflects the core values of Fifa and the football brotherhood!

Cagey B the Cat: light on his feet, 'Cagey B' is always listening out for what's going on wherever two or more dissidents have gathered. This sly but furry feline showcases all that Mother Russia does best when it comes to spying on its own citizens

Sly Cagey B

and crushing both democracy and dissent. Come to Russia 2018 and find out what it's like to have your massively overpriced hotel room fitted with its very own bug. It's more than just Cold War kitsch - they really are listening in! Just remember to run the bathroom taps if you're having gay sex, or Cagey might send some of his uniformed colleagues round to talk about Fifa's ultra-strict principles on treating all human beings as equals.

Persuasive Schok

Schok the Tiger: a US-inspired mascot conceived by the Chicago School of Economics, 'Schok' symbolises the pure economic freedom that swept 1990s Russia and rapaciously unburdened millions of newly liberated citizens of their properties and savings. Armed with nothing but a kalashnikov to persuade the people that economic shock therapy is what's best for them and their emergent 'tiger' economy, the rampant feline comes with its own urinary mechanism - refuse to co-operate with its version of freedom and Schok will shower you in aromatic piss! This symbolises how all the wealth at the top of football will 'trickle down' to Fifa's poorer leagues, clubs and nations everywhere. Eventually. But we're not saying when.

Quote of the day: Mutko is a happy man

"This was a very important day for us. I would like to congratulate all the athletes and sports fans."

The joys of sport in a time of war

Russian Sports Minister Vitaly Mutko was content on Monday with the latest haul of Russian medals at the Rio Olympics, despite it being "a pity that we will have no track and field athletes" (though he doesn't mention why). In the meantime, the political exploitation of every triumph in windsurfing, gymnastics and Greco-Roma wrestling will have to do. It's enough to distract you from the latest Human Rights Watch report on the Russian use of internationally outlawed incendiary weapons against the civilian population of Syria. 

“The Syrian government and Russia should immediately stop attacking civilian areas with incendiary weapons,” said Steve Goose, arms director at Human Rights Watch. “These weapons inflict horrible injuries and excruciating pain, so all countries should condemn their use in civilian areas.”

European qualifying games for the 2018 World Cup in Russia start next month. Please do not indirectly endorse the Russian government by watching any of the coming matches.

Fifa - the cuckoo 'foreign agent' that Russia won't expel

Demanding guest - the parasitic cuckoo Fifa
 hijacks a new nest every four years.

Once again, this blog apologises to a now possibly distracted readership for its negligence. With qualifying games for the 2018 World Cup in Russia already under way in several parts of the world, it's time to recommence monitoring why all football fans should boycott the next two World Cups, including all qualifiers, due to the dire state of basic human rights and the absence of numerous civil liberties in both Russia and Qatar.

Last week the Russian Ministry of Justice updated groups which it claims are funded by "foreign agents", which is its less than subtle way of smearing non-governmental organisations (NGO)s that might be critical of the state. It has now branded 104 such groups with the moniker 'foreign agent' to imply they are CIA-funded attempts to undermine Moscow and all its decent, stalwart patriots working merely for the good of Mother Russia. Since a 'Foreign Agents' list was published in 2014, "at least" 21 NGOs have closed down, according to Human Rights Watch (HRW), while 12 groups have had the tag removed by ceasing to accept foreign funds.

"Because in Russia 'foreign agent' can be interpreted only as 'spy' or 'traitor,' there is little doubt that the law aims to demonize and marginalize independent advocacy groups," states HRW. The group includes any NGO deemed to be involved in "political activity", a term subject to extremely liberal interpretation by the otherwise illiberal Ministry of Justice. Many of the NGOs are campaigning for human rights, gender equality, and against various forms of discrimination.

One 'foreign agent' is not included on the Ministry of Justice's list - Fifa. Yet it's been very much present in Russia ever since the country was awarded the 2018 World Cup by the fair and democratic process that did not in any way involve bribery, coercion, deal-making and vote-fixing. As always when it settles like an avaricious, self-entitled cuckoo into a newly hijacked nest, Fifa's not just a foreign agent, but a foreign dictator. It tells any given country how many stadiums it has to build, at its own cost, while paying no taxes and creaming off a vast profit through sponsorship, the sale of broadcast rights, and ticket revenue.

"We should never forget: all World Cup income goes to Fifa, not to the host," says Russian-Uzbek football dissenter Alisher Aminov in the latest edition of the German magazine Kicker (Issue 62, 2016). "But it's the host that is stuck with paying for the stadiums and the infrastructure. That's why Fifa and Uefa should both examine the economic circumstances of any applicant host countries before they award hosting rights to a tournament.

"Because that doesn't happen," he adds, "Fifa especially has developed in a very negative fashion. And that's why people in Brazil went out on to the streets to protest." Aminov, who was a friend of the Russian opposition politician Boris Nemtsov, assassinated in February 2015 on a Moscow street within sight of the Kremlin, says that the Russian bid for the 2018 World Cup was the decision of only two men - President Vladimir Putin and the Minister for Sport (and the man behind the mass state-sanctioned doping of Russian Olympic competitors) Vitaly Mutko, also a member of Fifa's Executive Committee.

"It was not a democratic decision," says Aminov. "We should have held a referendum. Football's a beautiful thing, but normal people are angry because of the enormous costs, and because cash is being sucked out of state coffers."

He also called for an "honest inquiry" into the awarding of the 2018 competition to Russia. Yeah, about that. When Fifa appointed US lawyer Michael Garcia to look into the shenanigans behind the simultaneous awarding of the 2018 and 2022 tournaments, Russian wouldn't let him into the country, and in any case claimed that all its files relating to the bid were on leased computers that had since been destroyed. Sorry, Mike. The Garcia Report remains unpublished by Fifa. Maybe the cuckoo shat all over it and rendered it unreadable.