‘Tired’ England Ditches Thai Bribe

Joke team to skip joke fixture

The English Football Association has officially cancelled its national team’s friendly in Thailand this June because it has belatedly realised that its players need to rest, apparently. In fact the game was doomed the moment that England failed to win hosting rights to the 2018 World Cup, and they realised that their pledge to play in Thailand had failed to secure the vote of Thailand FA President and FIFA ExCom member Worawi Makudi.

This was one of multiple dubious promises (otherwise known as ‘bribes’) made during the farcical World Cup bidding process in the run-up to last month’s announcements in Zürich, and we cite it here because it’s just one blatant example illustrating the urgent need for outright reform of both FIFA and the way it awards its tournaments. Without a strong ethical code of its own, FIFA has no right to demand strong ethical practices in its host nations. And ultimately, that is the only way that the self-proclaimed world game can aim to play a worthwhile global role and genuinely become ‘more than a game.’ (And that’s why, in case you’re wondering, we’re bothering with this micro-protest in blog form. Yes, we’re starting at the bottom because, as with FIFA’s morals, the only way from here is up.)

So, we can single out this case because it’s proven and out there in the public domain, unlike the allegations of bribes surrounding the successful Russian and Qatari bids. England have form in this area, after all. They sent a team to Trinidad & Tobago for another pointless match to secure the vote of CONCACAF ExCom member Jack ‘I’ve got the tickets’ Warner, and what a laughably wasted journey that turned out to be. Presumably, Worawi thought he’d get away with stiffing England because the vote was secret, but England fared so poorly that it was obvious he’d left them in the lurch. Sorry, old chap – no vote, no friendly.

"Shit, what am I doing with these two?"

All of this leaves English protests at rumoured Russian and Qatari foul play looking like a joke. In fact it just makes the English campaign look even more pathetic – not only were the country’s bid and its prince and its posturing prime minister laughed out of Switzerland, but their bribes were crap too. But that’s not really the point. Which is that a bidding process allowing one football association to lobby another with the promise of friendly games is inherently corrupt. That of course goes for anything else, from fat envelopes of cash to projects that might seem well-intentioned on the surface, such as funds for training facilities or coaching support at youth level. Just because a bribe has noble goals, doesn’t prevent it from being a bribe.

Heavily connected to all this was the resignation at the end of December (but only publicised this week) of German lawyer Günter Hirsch from the FIFA Ethics Committee. Few have ever doubted that this committee is a spineless sop to FIFA’s critics under the flimsy guise of Blatter-inspired public relations, but Hirsch spelled it out cogently for all to see anyway. Referring to the World Cup bidding process and the rumours of bribery surrounding it, Hirsch said:

“The events of the past few weeks have raised and strengthened the impression that responsible persons in FIFA have no real interest in playing an active role in resolving, punishing and avoiding violations against ethic regulations of FIFA.”

Thank you for the insider’s confirmation, Herr Hirsch. And congratulations on winning our as yet uncoveted Quote of the Month Award.